23 male, totally closeted and only just now exploring this ‘side’. been on grindr for a little while and there’s a guy who wants to meet up with me and give me cash. he’s ok with having fun if i’m up for it but he mainly says he wants to meet up with me and give me money. i’ve asked him questions about how genuine he is and he says he’ll just come to me now and give me a load of money to prove it. he’s told me he’s very sub and likes humilation and being abused etc, but it’s just one of those things ‘if it seems to good to be true, it probably is’


I haven’t found anything researching online on how this could be a scam or whatever, i’m wondering if it’s because i’m closeted and inexperienced that i’m naive enough to doubt him. Or am i stupid enough to be getting involved at all?

wasn’t sure where best to post this so do let me know if i should ask elsewhere

any advice appreciated 🙂

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  1. There is such a thing in sub-culture and it’s called findom. Not sure if this guy is legit into that but it sound familiar to that fetish. Here’s an article I found on the subject (note it’s referring to a male/female role but is also applicable in The LGBTQ sub world) : https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/findom-what-is-it-financial-domination-definition-explained-a7646931.html%3famp

    Just be careful and if he’s truly into that scene it could be potentially lucrative for you with little down side. But I’d still approach with caution. If he is legit he should have no problem meeting you in public areas to gift you.

    Good luck.

  2. Sounds suspect to me. If not suspect, at least weird. And maybe illegal, if he really wants sex of some sort in return.

    Is this really what you want for your first time? My advice: move on, find a hot guy (don’t be in a rush to find one) and have fun.

  3. If you’re really hot, it could simply be for that reason. I have friends who get paid just for hanging out. Others who get paid for letting the guy suck them off. So it happens. I’ve heard of super hot guys being paid for being “alpha” by guys who want to be beta to them.

  4. Does this sound like a risk-free situation? No. But is it a scam? Not sure.

    Additionally, are you the kind of person that wants to humiliate and abuse another person? Even if he’s saying he wants you to treat him these ways, do **you** want to do it? Is that who **you** are?

  5. Let’s assume he wants to meet and give money – that it isn’t a scam setup.

    He wants sex. Doesn’t matter what he says. He’ll expect it one way or another.

  6. I doubt he wants nothing given he has expressed desire to do things. I think actual fin doms don’t meet most of the people in person. I would be very careful. He could easily backmail you if your not out.

  7. Dan savage just had a show about this on his podcast. A woman called in with almost the same exact scenario. Check it out

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