“In a society or culture that idealizes monogamy, the cuckold fantasy is a current narrative that is available to people to conceptualize their sexual fantasies.”
A new study conducted by David Ley, Justin Lehmiller and writer/activist Dan Savage has found that cuckolding – watching your partner engage in sexual activity with someone else – has reportedly seen in an increase within the gay community.
“This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality,” said Ley. “But we’re hearing more and more about it these days, and more people are rejecting the social stigma against this fantasy.”
He added: “In a society or culture that idealizes monogamy, the cuckold fantasy is a current narrative that is available to people to conceptualize their sexual fantasies.”
Lehmiller also said: “For gay men, cuckolding isn’t quite as taboo because the norm of lifelong monogamy isn’t so strong in the LGBT community. However, it can still be arousing for a number of other reasons.”
In his upcoming book – Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life – Lehmiller found that 58% of men and a third of women have fantasized about cuckolding.
“It’s a sexual desire that can be easily customized to meet a wide range of sexual needs and desires, whether it’s taboo sex, novelty, voyeurism or something else,” he said.
“Men are more likely to fantasize about cuckolding, and they do it more often – but there are a number of women who have these fantasies as well, which points to the need for more research focused on women’s cuckolding desires.”
Savage said he’d received letters from straight couples who were interested in cuckolding, and that it was usually initiated by the husband, but none from gay couples “until after marriage equality began to gather steam.”
He continued: “It’s not cuckolding if there isn’t an element of humiliation, degradation or denial. Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade.
“The reality of watching your spouse have sex with someone else–or knowing they’re doing it, if you’re not there–is often very different than the fantasy. It can dredge up powerful emotions, so take baby steps and keep talking and communicating.
“That said, the rewards can be amazing, according to couples who have successfully folded cuckold play into their relationships.”
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