gay dreams

He’s super good looking but can’t hold a conversation

The Dilemma

Dear Jack,

I’ve been dating a guy for the past month who I’m very attracted to. The problem is that he can’t hold a conversation for the life of him.

His interests are sports and the gym and that’s about it. OMG, he’s so dumb!

The problem is he’s a hot guy. The man has a giant piece too and I love riding it. But other than our crazy sexual energy, there’s not much for us to talk about.

Should I dump him and just keep him as a f-buddy?

-Seriously Unsure

The Solution

Hi, SU,

Okay so before I get to the answer, I’m just going to say that while some people reading this may think your problem is shallow, you aren’t alone in having this dilemma.

The truth is, all of us end up dating people we later find aren’t the best match for us intellectually. Problems pop up when we try to force someone to be a person they are not.

Which leads us directly to what’s going on with the guy you are seeing. Basically, you are telling us that this man is hot but stupid.

Does that sound about right? If so – keep reading.

Just because we don’t have shared interests with someone doesn’t mean they are dumb. You said he was into sports and the gym. The fact that he has knowledge about those two areas disqualifies him from being dumb.

That said, there is a difference between not knowing about a topic (ignorance) and not being interested. Is it the case with your man that he’s disinterested in anything other than exercise and sports?

If so, this could mean that he’s simply not intellectually curious about the world around him. And that would be a shame because without curiosity, we can never grow.

Flipping things around, if he intellectually curious, it just may be that what peaks his interests differs from things that grab your attention.

My sense is that you’ve really tried talking with him about a variety of subjects to no avail. In other words, it’s like trying to light a match underwater – it doesn’t work.

But as you put it, you “love riding it” [him]. Moreover, the sexual energy sounds like it’s off the charts. In and of itself, that’s a good thing.

The problem, of course, is that sex alone (even hot sex) isn’t going to be enough to sustain the relationship for the long haul.

If you are already feeling dissatisfied with interest areas, how are you going to feel two-months from now? How about next year?

Your best bet is to simply tell the guy you feel there’s not a whole lot in common. He may want to know more and you should tell him.

Just don’t be a jerk about it.

Simply say that the two of you have different life interests. Do not judge him and whatever you do, don’t imply that he’s an ignoramus. Not only would that be mean but it’s likely not true.

You also asked if you should keep him as a F-buddy.

The answer to that question is maybe. Here’s why. Your current boyfriend may have developed feelings for you that you aren’t aware of.

The more the two of you connect (in the biblical sense) the more you send mixed signals. This is one of the main reasons some guys claim they are being played. You don’t want to be that guy, right?

It may be best to let time pass (after the break up) before taking a ride on his pony (read between the lines).

Finally, I’ll leave you with this SU. It is entirely possible the man you are with does hold similar interests but he may struggle with sharing. This happens to people who have repeatedly experienced rejection by others over the course of their lifetime.

So, before you pull the plug on the relationship, make sure this is the right choice. Like the saying goes about Humpty Humpty, “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

Need some dating help? Email Jack, the Gay Dating Coach at: [email protected]