Ok this might be an odd topic, but I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way because I just want to vent. I have always been gay and out in school. Like since 5th or 6th grade. I’ve always been the gay kid. I was bullied, didn’t make guy friends, etc.

Nowadays I’m so frustrated by and jealous of gay men who just went all through high school and find a super handsome boyfriend in college and come out to thunderous applause on Facebook or whatever and it’s just so frustrating because it’s like.. why did I have to grow up as an easily observable gay kid and have to be put through hell socially so much so that it’s definitely messed with my social skills and other various mental health issues.

And maybe it’s just because I live in a small town, but I feel like all of the gay guy from around my area that I know have found cute boyfriends and everyone likes them. And there definitely seems to be a correlation between the well liked normal closeted guys going to college versus all of the out gays from high school still living in our hometown and just working. I dropped out of college (another source of insecurity).

I’m sure this is just my insecurity talking.. but it feels like some of them have a disdain for me or I just feel like my growing up “as the gay kid” is probably so unattractive to guys who got to grow up normal their entire lives.

It’s hard for me to specifically get over this hurdle because every piece of gay media ever is about “coming out” and I feel like most of the gay people I know or popular gay men online on twitter (toxic) or wherever are all of the “closeted until senior year with stable mental health and actual normal social skills concerning other men.”

So like… anyone have any advice for this sort of thing? I’m moving to a big city in December or January with my friend, so hopefully I can work on making more guy friends and socializing with other gay men of all different types but I’d also like to be able to just get over this. I understand that all gay men have shared issues and stuff and the whole “growing up gay/coming out” thing might not matter once I’m around gay guys that… I didn’t go to school with and haven’t known my entire life. I guess it’s just like this block I put up in my head that stops me from seeing myself as being like these other guys.

~ Looking for some Hot Guys on Chat ~ Join 100% Free - Webcams/Chat


  1. Your journey is so different from mine that I do find it hard to give any form of decent advice.

    You’re not alone. I am sure many others have been in your shoes as well. My current boyfriend has been out since he was 17 and he too grew up in a small town. I, on the other hand, had to be closeted until this year. Coming out was never an option for me until my 25th year.

    In some ways I envy you and my BF for being able to be open with who you love from a younger age as opposed to my hiding.

    What this post has shown me is coming out earlier in life has its own tolls and woes of which I’ve never considered.

    I do hope you can find like-minded individuals with similar backgrounds to help you overcome these barriers. Best of luck with your upcoming move and in life!

  2. Everyone has problems in their life. You’re confusing a lack of knowledge with a lack of quality.

    Those “thunderous applause” coming out stories are just that: stories. If you could put yourself in their shoes, you would find those people have their own problems in their own ways. Some may even be vastly worse than the problems you experienced in your life.

    What you have done is focused on one specific trauma in your life and have then compared yourself to others in that specific way. But you are ignoring all of the issues that life brings, and lacking information on what issues those people may have deep down.

    I’d suggest you stop comparing your life to others and instead appreciate your good fortunes and work in your own traumas. You’ll likely find a lot of satisfaction if you can.

  3. I get how you feel. It’s always hard to see someone else’s journey being different than yours and coping with that. I think it’s always good to remind yourself to always want the best for people. Remembering that everyone is different and that the way things came to be is not yours or anyone else’s fault. I wish u the best m8

  4. Every one has their own journey and yours may look different, but I don’t know if one is better than the other. I am 33 and I am just coming out now. I had some rough patches in my 20s where coming out was impossible or seemed impossible, so I waited until I knew I was ready. I will say in a way I envy you, I wish I could’ve come out earlier as to not hold onto this secret that was eating away at me, but I had to take my journey just like you have to take yours.

  5. LOL! @ Coming out to ” Thunderous applause” thats a great way to put it. I know exactly what you’re talking about. But trust me, you are a much stronger person for having to go through all that garbage.

  6. Writing an actual response so don’t delete or anything yet lmao. Just a longer response so it’s taking me a bit.

  7. Try working on improving your own life and stop comparing yourself to other people who are on their own path and have nothing to do with you. Go to the gym, get in shape, get some nice clothes, get a new interesting hobby, work hard, save some money, join a gay sports league (the guys are hot!). Make yourself into better boyfriend-material and before long, you will have a good new boyfriend. Wishing you happiness!

  8. Hi there! Your journey is the same as mine! However I am probably much older than you as I was bullied in elementary school in the 90’s and 00’s. I was that gay kid, though I tried to appear as cool and alternative as possible to I could hang with the art and goth kids in order to find my crew and have some protection from the a-hole jocks that would terrorize me.

    Needless to say I had many many social issues in my 20’ and moving to a big city didn’t really help. What did help was finding spiritiuality, mediating, being happy with who I am an celebrating myself. It was so so hard because I just felt like a piece of shit for so many years. I discovered that I had severe anger issues and that I actually turned into the bully once I moved to the big city. I was an angry drunk and would unleash on unsuspecting gays and straights alike.

    My advice to you, do things that will help you love yourself and accept you for a loving beautiful man you are. Don’t be afraid to go to therapy, I did for a lot of years. Keep you best friends close and tell them how you feel, let people in that you trust. Cry often and try to connect with that kid inside who is still hurting. I did this through meditations and spirituality. I also did a buttload amount of LSD but I don’t recommend this for everyone. If you have any more questions feel free to ask, I hope this helps. Xoxo

  9. I came out back when I was in early high school and it was rough as hell. Met my ex boyfriend there and people created a “hate group” toward us. Food was thrown at us at least once or twice a week. Posters of us with their “hate sign” were all around the school. We werent provocative (if that’s a word) or anything. We were just together and people hated it. I mostly had girl friends back then. I am a really shy person in general. As a grew up, I met guys from work and through gaming and started hanging out with them. Now we’re all friends and it feels great to be able to be who I am.

    I genuinely hope everything will get better for you soon as it did for me.

  10. Hey! I’m girl (17 y.o.) and am struggling with my sexuality.

    I don’t know where you live but I live in Russia. And when I still haven’t found reddit (the best place to identify yourself) I was watching sooo much youtube videos and there weren’t that much content about lesbians so I watched various videos about gay guys. And almost all of them were like “Mmm… I didn’t have problems with identifying and accepting myself… I think I’ve always known it”. Imagine: they say that they realized it at the age of about 12-14 years and me, 17 y.o., who’s watching these videos, confused and frustrated and struggling, looking for any answers… I was so (and still a bit is) envy about it

    I don’t want to say that you were suffering not that much during all of these years at your school but I’m sure that those guys who find their first boyfriends only in college suffered a lot before that, too. You just didn’t see their internal struggle because they couldn’t tell it to anyone and they were very scared of all of this. But regardless of how you realized yourself as gay you’re always a part of that big community. That friendly and supporting, mixed and accepting all of us, proud community🌈💕

    Always remember that and, good luck!!

  11. It sounds like moving is your best option, start out fresh and go back to school.

    Personally I was closeted throughout HS and was still bullied for being gay. I wish I would’ve come out back then because I feel like atleast at my school I would’ve made more friends and been bullied less. Of course I also grew up near Seattle one of the most liberal cities in existence.

Comments are closed.