Ok this might be an odd topic, but I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way because I just want to vent. I have always been gay and out in school. Like since 5th or 6th grade. I’ve always been the gay kid. I was bullied, didn’t make guy friends, etc.
Nowadays I’m so frustrated by and jealous of gay men who just went all through high school and find a super handsome boyfriend in college and come out to thunderous applause on Facebook or whatever and it’s just so frustrating because it’s like.. why did I have to grow up as an easily observable gay kid and have to be put through hell socially so much so that it’s definitely messed with my social skills and other various mental health issues.
And maybe it’s just because I live in a small town, but I feel like all of the gay guy from around my area that I know have found cute boyfriends and everyone likes them. And there definitely seems to be a correlation between the well liked normal closeted guys going to college versus all of the out gays from high school still living in our hometown and just working. I dropped out of college (another source of insecurity).
I’m sure this is just my insecurity talking.. but it feels like some of them have a disdain for me or I just feel like my growing up “as the gay kid” is probably so unattractive to guys who got to grow up normal their entire lives.
It’s hard for me to specifically get over this hurdle because every piece of gay media ever is about “coming out” and I feel like most of the gay people I know or popular gay men online on twitter (toxic) or wherever are all of the “closeted until senior year with stable mental health and actual normal social skills concerning other men.”
So like… anyone have any advice for this sort of thing? I’m moving to a big city in December or January with my friend, so hopefully I can work on making more guy friends and socializing with other gay men of all different types but I’d also like to be able to just get over this. I understand that all gay men have shared issues and stuff and the whole “growing up gay/coming out” thing might not matter once I’m around gay guys that… I didn’t go to school with and haven’t known my entire life. I guess it’s just like this block I put up in my head that stops me from seeing myself as being like these other guys.