Just to give a little bit more context, he was a pretty flamboyant dude himself and he showed me he had splashed out on a brandname bracelet for his bf and that’s where the convo started.

I was surprised that he spent so much on sb he had only been with for a few weeks. Maybe he’s loaded idk. But then he told me that gay relationships are really difficult to maintain and often last just a short time.

Is this true, or is it just him?

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  1. Based on divorce/dissolution rates of civil unions and same-sex marriages, there doesn’t seem to be a systematic difference between same-sex couples versus different-sex couples. Limited evidence actually shows the opposite effect to be true.

    Eg 1) A 2011 study for US states with available data reported that the dissolution rates for same-sex couples were slightly lower on average (on average, 1.1% of all same-sex couples were said to divorce each year, ranging from 0% to 1.8% in various jurisdictions) than divorce rates of different-sex couples (2% of whom divorce annually).

    Badgett, M.V. Lee; Herman, Jody L. (November 2011). “Patterns of Relationship Recognition by Same-Sex Couples in the United States” (PDF). The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law.

    E.g. 2) A study on short-term same-sex registered partnerships in Norway and Sweden found that divorce rates were 50% lower for same-sex couples than opposite-sex marriages

    Andersson, Gunnar (February 2006). “The Demographics of Same-Sex ‘Marriages’ in Norway and Sweden” (PDF). Demography. 43 (1): 79–98.doi:10.1353/dem.2006.0001

    E.g. 3) The same-sex partnership divorce rate was significantly lower than that of heterosexual couples in Denmark. 

    Marian Jones (1 May 1997). “Lessons from a Gay Marriage: Despite stereotypes of gay relationships as short-lived, gay unions highlight the keys to success”. Psychology Today.

    I suppose what these rates don’t tell us is the potential for selection bias: it may be the case that same sex couples have a harder time than the general population getting to the point of officiating their relationship legally. It would be hard to estimate the size of this kind of suvirvorship bias because population level statistics based on survey data often underestimates the proportion of sexual minorities – so we don’t have reliable denominators for the calculations.

  2. I think, because gay guys have a smaller group to choose from, a lot of gays panic and get into whichever relationship they can find (especially when we’re young). This leads to gays having more “relationships” which straight people would probably pass on because they know they have more options.

    I got no scientific evidence besides my own experience, but the few gays I’ve been friends with hit a possible boyfriend with “What are we” after the first few hookups/dates while my straight friends will be hooking up/ going out with someone a dozen+ times before even beginning to worry about it.

  3. I’ve seen a couple of behaviors that can account for this:

    * Relationship is a “shiny new thing” and both parties are on their best behavior. Until they’re not.
    * Sex is amazing at first because it’s new and interesting. Then it isn’t.

    None of this is unique to us gays, but I think “the apps” create an unrealistic set of expectations and when the relationship doesn’t live up to them, it’s time to move on. Face it. We’re guys and it’s all about sex and appearances. When the realities of life start to barge in and you’re not prepared to deal with anything beyond the plastic facade of a grindr profile, it’s time to beat feet.

  4. Well I am a bit older (56) but I have had two long relationships. One for twenty years and the current one which is so far at eleven years. I dont think being gay or straight will determine the length of or success of a relationship. It’s important to find someone you can truly connect with and really like not just love. IMO.

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