I think my boyfriend is gay or at least bisexual but he was raised in a very cloistered homophobic religious family. Gay men of reddit. Were you ever in this situation? I’m trying to be sensitive to the topic and not ask any intrusive questions. I love him but if he’s gay I don’t want to be with him . I don’t care about him being bisexual except I’m concerned eventually he will have to act on his urges. I can’t handle cheating and lying.

Thanks in advance.

We live together and have been together for around 2 years now.

EDIT- I do not think he will cheat JUST because of bisexuality. I’m concerned about building a life with someone who hasn’t accepted themselves fully. If he had urges he finally decided to act on then I would be concerned regardless if it’s cheating or if our relationship ended. We did have an infidelity issue in the past. Please do not come for my life 🤦‍♀️

6 COMMENTS

  1. Asking him straight out (no pun intended) probably would not help a lot because a gay M25 in a highly religious community would likely be self-deceiving already and deny it with all sincerity. How well do you know him? How long have you been dating? It’s hard to give suggestions without knowing why you are suspicious.

  2. ??? Why would you think he is gay and/or bisexual?

    Also, let’s say he is bi. That doesn’t give him a right to go persue men. Cheating is cheating. You wouldn’t condone him fucking other women, so it’s the same way if he was boning men.

  3. Your concerns are not unjust. I agree with other posters in asking for greater detail on why this is a suspicion.

    As others said, there is no way to come straight out (pun not intended) and ask him. If honesty on the topic were that easy for him, you’d not be in this situation. I truly feel for your bf, I came from a background where homosexuality was implicitly not okay, and it took until my mid/late 20s to get real with those around me (in my case, everyone in my life were immediately accepting and kinda like “why were you waiting?”, my family has had a harder time but many years later it’s a non issue).

    To get back to the point tho – I can’t imagine any context where someone with his backstory will respond usefully to a full blown interventionist approach. We could give better advice with more info on why you have this concern. That may inform different approaches you could use.

    In my own experience, I did have a few friends slowly kind of “out” me in an affirming and supportive way. They’d point out some of my “gayer” behaviors (for lack of better term) but with a tone of approval. For example, instead of “hmm you really pay a lot of attention to your hair and are so particular about how you dress”, the friend would say “you look so on point tonight. Where is that shirt from? Your hair looks awesome too… most guys don’t know how to make themselves look so good.” Obviously, nobody was looking for tips. But It opened a dialogue where I became more comfortable talking about myself. That was the key for me. I was conditioned to withhold or be ashamed of certain aspects of myself that could “blow my cover” and these affirmations little by little helped me open up.

    That’s just my case tho. Not all gay men wave signals like the stereotypical “well dressed and always put together”. I did and I had a few friends who came from very liberal areas who knew how to help me get more comfortable.

    Some details on what’s promoting your concern would be helpful. They may provide an entry point for you to talk to your bf, whether gay or bi

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