Hello, I have recently entered my first serious relationship, I am 20 y/o. I am only out to friends and colleagues and not my family. My boyfriend is out openly to everyone. I have been thinking about coming out to my family a lot recently but I don’t want to make my boyfriend feel like he has forced me out. When we first got together he said he would wait for when I am ready but has now been bringing up the topic and wants me to be out.
Any advice would be great


  1. A year ago I was in this exact same situation, I didn’t want my boyfriend to feel as if he had forced me coming out, I took it slow making sure if things went ugly I had a place to go ( only because I’ve heard stories of kids getting kicked out after coming out) and that I was going to be okay after I did come out,
    Secondly I made sure that my boyfriend knew that I wanted it and that it wasn’t forced in anyway and explain to him that you need guidance on how to do it (asking for this made it 100 times better and easier) then what I did was I wrote a letter to my parents for them to read about how I was gay and then they accept me 1 year later I’ve moved In with my boyfriend and am happy

  2. He wants it to be a “proper” relationship, he feels like he is my secret and that hurt me so much when I heard him say that

  3. Do what you want, when you want. If you feel like now is the right time to come out to your family, then do it. If you don’t feel like now is the right time to come out, *then don’t*.

    Why does your boyfriend want you to be out? Why does he think he has the right to dictate what you tell your family? It’s none of his business.

  4. As others have said, the timeframe I which you come out is up to you and you alone. Don’t avoid doing it because of what your bf might think. Do it because you want to and are ready.

    That being said, also please understand that your bf has every right to decide it’s not worth it for him to stay in a relationship that requires sneaking around, lying, and being treated like a shameful secret. If this is a dealbreaker for him, that’s his right to decide–just as it is yours to decide if and when you are ready to be out. When a closeted guy and an out guy date, the closet is the highest priority, not the relationship. It is totally fair to want to be the top priority to your partner and to leave if they aren’t ready to make you a priority.

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