Throwaway for obvious reasons. Sorry if it doesn’t make a load of sense, I am very sad and scatterbrained.

I met this guy last year. We quickly became good friends. We slept over, made out, had sex. All the good stuff. Then I fell for him. He didn’t want to date. That was okay, we hadn’t known each other that long and the feelings were pretty new. I could move on.

Boy, oh boy, was I wrong.

It has been months. And the feelings have come and gone multiple times. We’ve talked about it multiple times. I know that we will never date. There’s not a chance in hell at this point. I know that.

He’s always been a good friend. We understood each other in different aspects of our lives. But recently it feels like we have drifted apart and it makes me very upset. I’m used to people moving on from me, but this one hurts. What’s worse is that the feelings for him are back yet again. I haven’t told him and am worried it will push him away for good.

He often appears somewhere in my dreams and lately I am dreaming a lot more than usual, I have no idea why. But he’s there, which makes it harder to even begin the process of, essentially, moving on. He’s just there in my head, in my dreams and in every day thoughts.

I’m not sure if I fell in love with him or if I’m being obsessive. There was a word I found the other day that felt like it fit what I’m feeling (it started with the letter ‘L’).
I’m not sure what to do. Say goodbye? Explain the situation again? Let him decide?

Any advice? I’m feeling very lost.

(I see a therapist but would like some other opinions on the matter.)

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  1. I’ve been a lot like you in the past with ex’s. I’m afraid the only thing that mends broken hearts is time. You need to cut every aspect of him out of your life, block him on all social media and essentially burry your head in the ground and have some time to get over him. Try and keep yourself busy and focus more on your work and after a few weeks / months, you will start to feel better.

    I’ve always struggled to let people in, but when I do I really fall for them. It’s pretty horrible but when you find the right person who appreciates you, it will be great πŸ™‚

  2. Grieving is normal. If you’ve been emotionally wrapped up on him, a few months seems normal. You don’t say exactly how many, so if you meant 18 it probably isn’t.

    Unfortunately, you can’t circumvent grief. You have to go through it. Sometimes you wallow in it, sometimes you control it. It can be intense or barely there. That’s normal.

    I would recommend cutting him out of your life. It sounds rough, but it’s like a tiny ulcer on your foot from your shoe. Trying to heal it by wearing the shoes less frequently just means you rub the spot raw more slowly. You need distance.

    I’d recommend not having a big explanation with him either. Something simple – I’m having difficulty separating friend feeling from my romantic ones and need to stop interacting with you. If he’s truly a friend he’ll understand.

    If you’re concerned you’re becoming obsessive, keep taking to your therapist about it. We can sublimate internal fears of relationships, rejection, or other insecurities by focusing on something we know we’ll fail at (getting THAT guy). It’s a good topic with a therapist.

    Take care of yourself.

    Edits: Damn mobile

  3. Limerence? the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person…
    I have felt that before, it passes with time. Just know that it is not true love, but an emotional and hormonal response. Point being if he isn’t reciprocating, you need to distance yourself and let him go.

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