Every month or two, I travel to Montreal Canada, First I should say I am a 48 yr old, Bisexual male who is single. Due to my elderly parent’s age & health ( they are both in their 80’s) I am forced to live at home with them to keep an eye on them. Naturally, this takes its toll on my nerves! Especially when one of them suffers from dementia and constantly asks you the same questions one after the other and BOTH of them need hearing aids but refuse to get them… so they SHOUT….
Needless to say, I am on Zoloft and I smoke marijuana regularly. I don’t really drink or hang out at bars or drink at home or anything else. Pot is really my only vice….
Anyway, this habit started a couple of years back where I will take off of work early on a Friday, drive to the airport and fly to Montreal. Once I am there, I go to this gay male strip club called ‘Bar Taboo’. There are about three gay male strip clubs in Montreal, but the other ones are more bulky, muscle guys stripping. At Bar Taboo they are your younger twink, skater boy type.
Anyway, I have been going there so often I know many of the people who work there now. I will buy weed from them and usually cocaine as well. From there I will wind up getting drunk and partying with these younger guys all night long…. HELL….. all weekend long! Then I will fly out early Monday morning and go right back to work.
Now, this is a great way to blow off steam and break the monotony of my otherwise bullshit life…. But I should point out that for some strange reason… I have never had any sort of sex with any if these guys….
I could… and they ask…. and I am aware they would be expecting me to pay for it… but somehow it never happens… I will go up there with every intention of having rude and incredible drug fueled orgasms with one or two of them…. and then when I get up there it just turns into hanging out, drinking, snorting and laughing.
The last time I was up there, I went with one of the guys to one of the bath houses and hung out there all night just smoking weed and snorting blow. He is an incredible looking 21 yr old with long blonde hair and all the other fat middle aged guys like myself were all over him, flirting and stuff and him and I just laughed about it.
My question is: what the fuck is wrong with me? Am I going up there simply ti hang out with younger guys and pour water on my mid-life flames? Am I in such dire need of companionship and friendship that I must travel to another country and hang out with younger twink guys to feel good about myself?
Anyway, any advice, answers, questions, comments, insults, threats and prayers would be very welcome. By the way, I fly out again this Friday for another weekend. I have not been there since december 30th so this has been building up….