So I’m a 27 year old guy, and this is something that I’m trying to figure out. I’ve masturbated to pictures of guys since I was about 12. I would take my sister’s high school yearbook and look at pictures of guys on the sports teams or them shirtless. I told myself that I was just projecting myself into their lives; saying that I wanted to have their good looks/muscles. But over the years I’ve looked at gay sex/porn and masturbated to that also. I’m curious about what it would be like to be with a guy. Do these things indicate I’m gay? I’m just asking because I feel confused. I recently said goodbye to a guy on a video chat and felt more depressed/missed him than I did in breaking up with a girlfriend. Any help would be appreciated.


  1. Pretty much same as me. And yes, it might indicate you are gay. I recomend going on a date with a guy you find attractive. See how that feels 🙂

  2. Ha, damn, are you me from the past?

    I totally forgot about it, but I used to do the same thing with my sister’s high school yearbooks. And my own yearbooks. Along with basically everything else you described.

    You’re two years ahead of me (I came out at 29), and I gotta say, it was not easy for me to take that first leap into saying the phrase, “I’m gay” out loud to myself, and meaning it. I can understand at least some aspect of the struggle you’re dealing with.

    It might not necessarily mean you’re gay, exactly – you could be bi. But I don’t see a lot in your post that indicates much about women. I had a part of my self-denial that I maintained before I came out which I would use to bolster my “See, I’m not gay!” claims to myself – I’d occasionally masturbate to straight porn. Once I came out, that stopped, and it’s not something I miss.

    The only answer I can give you is to allow yourself to feel these feelings and explore them. If you come out the other side of these explorations concluding you’re either gay, or bi, or neither, then great – you’ve figured something out about yourself. You don’t have to decide to come out to everyone and the world right away (gotta warn you though, most gay guys are very wary of dating closeted guys – it tends to lead to resentment about having to keep the relationship secret, and many of them feel like they’ve been partially re-closeted). But it does sound like something that you think about a lot, and something that is probably going to bother you until you scratch that itch. My advice is to try it, and see.

  3. You might be. You might not be. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t sweat the labels so much. It might be time to dip a toe in the water (not intended as a euphemism) and go on a date with a guy. See how that feels. It sounds like you’re leaning this way sexually, but try the romantic side and see what you think. Be open with your date that this is new for you, but also don’t put pressure on yourself to fit into a category yet. Let yourself be excited about discovering who you are. It feels pretty awesome!

    But also, yeah, that was totally me in school. Growing up in a small town surrounded by only unaccepting perspectives on being gay I found myself staring wistfully at yearbooks and (gulp) Sears catalogs. Before you judge, it was the 80s, what was I supposed to do?

    Anyway, you’re in a good spot. Time to explore. And you’ve got support and advice here whenever you need.

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