I’m a 32 year old (white) gay guy and I have a lot of trouble with dating. It’s easy for me to actually get dates; I’m reasonably good-looking (not really athletic – I’m trying to get back in shape after a bad injury – but thin, decent body, well-endowed), smart – I’m doing my Phd at an Ivy League, I know more than seven languages, I can cook very well, I’m hard-working, I’m artistic & creative, funny, and kind. I’m also neuro-atypical and it’s almost physically painful for me to interact with people because I can’t read body language or emotions very well, but I fight it and keep trying because being alone is a different kind of really painful. On paper, I seem like a good catch, or so people say. Most people seem to like me. But every time I go on a date, the guy never wants a second date or just wants to be friends. I’m pretty convinced there is something wrong or off-putting about me, but I don’t know what it is. I’m having trouble with confidence – even the above list of qualities is mostly what friends say about me, besides objectively quantifiable stuff – I don’t monopolize conversations, and I’m mostly self-effacing; I don’t really talk about my achievements unless directly asked. I date guys of all races, body types, etc., so it’s not that I have a set of unreasonable expectations. My last two boyfriends said I was “too nice,” or “too good for them,” or other stuff which sounded like excuses. I deal with really bad depression, but basically no one knows unless I tell them. I realize it’s difficult to give this kind of advice without direct interaction, but I don’t really know what else to do.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I have the same problem, it is not you, most of the guys have an inferiority complex and feel intimidated by u.

  2. Like you said, it’s hard to give advice without direct interaction to see exactly what you do on dates, but if you’re ” neuro-atypical and it’s almost physically painful for me to interact with people because I can’t read body language or emotions very well”, that’s going to make things very difficult for you and the men you date.

    This might be something that you should discuss with a psychologist. They can see you, talk to you, and understand how you present yourself to other people. They’ll also be able to give you some tricks & strategies to change things so that your dates go better.

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